Mythical creatures which lure sailors by songs to crush their ships and to kill/eat them ( depending on genesis).
Narrator (Baba Jaga)
[more of a narration voice] Somewhere in the silent, ancient Eastern European Forest. Between the branches of the mighty Oaks, the clearing with a restaurant called Chicken Legs is where we’ll be staying at.
A dimmed light is coming out from the windows, and pink smoke is coming out of the chimney.
Multiple voices are speaking, and a romantic violin is playing, but one voice can be heard much louder [sudden change of voice to normal Baba Jaga] - my! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Welcome to my House this Valentine’s Day, I hope you enjoy the stay! We are here to help you relax, and find love… of course.
There are a lot of choices - Liderc came here from Hungary for another chance.
Encantado in his handsome hat is bubbling around, [with raised voice] HEY! PAY ATTENTION! CHUIAELS IS STARING AT YOU!
[now whisper] They Both will enjoy tonight, ha ha ha!
The long-life distance lovers are here as well - Thokolosi and Popobawa are showing their African smiles, and exchanging compliments towards each other [whispering] hopefully they won’t exchange anything more than that if you know what I mean
Now, please come with me. Behind my lovely house.
Look - there is a wall with a chair and a table on each side.
And what a surprise - two postures moving closer to this spot.
I can definitely smell something… ah that must be the Skunk Ape!
[Whispering a bit disgusted] Is that a new aftershave?
Skunk Ape
Yes it is! The new batch of “Burned Salmon” which was made just by myself.
What do you think about it?
Baba Jaga
[Very carefully and politely] It is… specific…
Oh, and it is our “possible” second half, walking to us on human legs tonight, and luring us closer with an irresistible song [whispered] The Siren, ha ha.
Siren
Hell(o) [sudden stop]… what’s that smell?
Baba Jaga
That’s nothing, my child. Sit, relax, and have this special drink - Peachy Ludus!
Skunk Ape
[Somewhere from behind the wall with a very mellow voice] I had it already, it haaas a puuunch.
Baba Jaga
Good, good. [Louder to the audience] Now Welcome to the “Blind Hen Date”!
Where you will find the love of your life!
[Whispering chucklingly to herself] No refund policy - just 100% guarantee, haha.
[To the Siren] Did you finish your drink child?
Siren
[Still with a normal voice] Yes. It was smooth like an ocean foam waking you up on the tropical beach.
Baba Jaga
Good, good. Now the first part of the evening! Please open the small holes in the wall, and feel free to ask questions, but do not tell your name!
Siren
If you have to choose…[suddenly stop again] this smell again.
Skunk Ape
[Very mellow from now on] Yeees? Anything for you, darling.
Just the best smells for you. I have chosen this one because I want to be your small goldfish, who will brighten your life every morning.
Siren
[With normal voice] I can’t stand this sme.. [pause - and now with mellow voice] Ohhh…Goldfish…? Do you like fish?
Baba Jaga
[In the background] Good, good, it’s starting to work.
Skunk Ape
Yes. Big and small. Fried, smoked and fermented.
Siren
You are funny, like a little monkey hanging out of the tree!
Skunk Ape
I would do that easily for you, my undiscovered treasure.
Baba Jaga
[To herself] Excellent. The potion worked, they’ve mentally connected. [Louder] Now let’s move on with the date!
Please go to your left with your food and join together at the table just for the both of you.
Siren
[When she sees Skunk Ape with a laugh] You are a monkey!
Skunk Ape
And you are like a bright light coming through the trees at the swamp.
Siren
The swamp is full of water, I would love to see it, it would be a real mud bath.
[Suddenly] Aaaaaa! My legs!
Baba Jaga
Well… unexpected side effects.
Skunk Ape
I got you! [He caught her from the fall]
[With surprise] Is this a fishtail?
Siren
[shy and embarrassed] It is.
Skunk Ape
[Sniffing] It smells deliciously fishy.
Siren
Do you really think so? No one ever told me that.
Skunk Ape
[While putting her in the chair, and sitting next to her] Here, sit down and I will bring you food. I will do what I can for you, little pearl.
Siren
[Very emotionally] Thank you. You have very matted but soft fur.
Skunk Ape
That’s how driven through racoon shampoo works. Always messy and ready.
Would you like to try it? I have a jar of it with me.
Siren
Of course! [Excited] Please do it! Do it now! [With even more excitement]
Skunk Ape
My pleasure! Let me just grab this jag of water. And I’m cooooming!
Baba Jaga
It looks like it’s going very well. Now let’s leave these fresh lovers, and give them a bit of privacy…
Siren
[Shouting in the background]
WHAT THE HELL?! GET YOUR DIRTY STINKY HANDS OF ME - YOU APE!!!!
Skunk Ape
[Still very mellow from the background] Close. I’m Skunk Ape, and I will do anything for you, lovely fishy.
Baba Jaga
Oh well, didn’t expect water at work.
Thank you for visiting us viewers!
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